I have been questioned a lot from the day that I came up to my friends and did the ‘Nobody’ dance, while singing the addictive song. Knowing I’ve always been a great fan of music, they were surprised at the fact that I actually liked not only this bubble-gum pop song, but also a girlgroup consisting of five members.
Yes, the Wonder Girls may indeed not be the best singers overall and yes, maybe live-wise they can improve a bit. I’m not saying they are the greatest and I know pretty well that during their Tell Me, So Hot and Nobody days back in Korea their live performances can be much better. But to tell you the truth, when I watch their live performances no thoughts like that come to mind. I just watch how they dance their routine and sing the songs with those sparkling eyes having fun. I see five girls on stage living their dream, their eyes twinkling along to the beat of the music while standing in front of those thousands of people sharing their hopes and dreams by singing that one song over and over again.

I admit I am not a fan of pop music but while going through each and every video of these five girls, their music has gotten to me in a way that I cannot get out of it now. I cannot speak Korean, aside from a few words. Korean isn’t even my nationality. But I believe music can let that gap fade away; their names are already printed on my piece of paper locked in my diary, their music are coming from every speaker I have. And though yes, pop music it is, I’ve turned into a Wonderful that learns to see and hear not only the music, but also the strength, passion and energy they give through their music.

To many, Wonder Girls may be not greatest singers. And I agree. They are not the greatest. But music is music. I listened to Sunye when I was quietly crying at night hiding my face in a pillow. Sunmi’s voice echoed in my head when I was walking away angrily at my friend and as a group they harmonized to remind me to stick to the ones I love. I can feel the song in those 3 minutes they perform on stage and while watching them pouring all of their hearts into it, I admire them, almost merely for the fact that they have worked to live their dream.

And to me, that’s all it takes. It doesn’t matter if an artist has the greatest voice or the best dancing skills. As long as I can feel the heart and message through that one song,  music is music. And in my eyes, music genres are like different kinds of people. We are different, but in the end we’re all human beings. The thing that connects us, whether we want it or not. And I know for sure that music does the same.

I wish one day to be one of those people among the crows in the audience, holding up signs, dancing along to their songs and let the music carry me away. Like the first time their voices had reached my heart and I gained strength for the day.

And we’ll get lost together
Until the light comes pouring through

- Michael Bublé • Lost

After a long and lazy snooze-moment I got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. One of my housemates arrived yesterday and had spent the night here. She woke up quite early as I could hear her early in the morning around 6 making her way downstairs. She’s 21 already and it’s hard to believe that I’ll have two of girls that age to spend my time with here in this house. It seems so unbelievable and time goes so quickly I cannot get a hold of it. I washed my hair, brushed my teeth, washed my face and got downstairs for breakfast. There’s nothing nicer than to have fresh fruit with muesli and dairy early in the morning, right? The night before I had planned everything out; how late I should leave home, which direction I should go and exactly at which time I will arrive at my destination. My school, that is. As expected, nothing went as they should be. Well, I did leave home at the right time. But somehow I got lost and found myself in the middle of nowhere asking for help. It makes me realize even more how big the world is that I took my step in. Imagine I had went to somewhere even bigger; could I have survived?! All jokes aside, I’m alive and living well. I do wish for some company and goofy-ness once in a while. It gets lonely when you’re all by yourself, alone in an empty house. My housemates are almost here though, half a week for me to wait. I’ll be home by then actually for the weekend, but I hope we can make good memories with each other and if we happen to not get along… Laugh if off and drink it down, a particular person would say. Yah… time is going too fast. I need to spin around and turn back time.

I remember telling mom that I’d make her proud one day.
She would smile and knew exactly all the right things to say.
Man, I miss her & can’t wait till I get back to the bay.
Back to the common, simple, beautiful ways.

- Jennifer Chung • Common, Simple, Beautiful

I woke up by the calling of my name. My sister was downstairs and told me to get up. “Why?!”, I yelled. Even though I knew very well today was the day. I checked the time and quickly got up. Apparently my mom had gone to the groccerystore already to buy some last-minute things needed and my brother had gone to pick up the van. My nephew was still sleeping and while I changed clothes I could hear my brother-in-law getting up the stairs. I zipped my pants and quickly walked out the room and let him have a moment with his son. He crawled up against him and the touch of their bodies caused Kyle to wake up. Usually he always wakes up early, no matter how late he went to bed. He never slept till noon, unlike me when staying up hours past midnight. Today he was cranky though. His voice sounded irritated and while I was behind the computer I could hear him scream to his dad. “Just let me sleep, get away!” His father didn’t listen though. He gently stroke his son’s cheeks when I was standing by the door and closed his eyes to let them rest for a moment. My brother yawned when he past me. It was early for everyone, but especially for them since the moment they’ve taken on night-shifts. I feel sorry looking at the tired faces of my family, yet at the same time touched and thankful that no matter how tired they were there when I needed them. When I got downstairs my sister was already re-packing and re-checking everytime for the last time. She brought some more stuff over for me and made sure I didn’t forget something.

Once everything was settled and my mom got home, things went by as fast as light. I didn’t dare to look at my mom directly so I kept my head down and said goodbye. She patted my back several times. Her way of saying ‘I love you’, ‘I miss you’, ‘stay healthy’ and the usual things moms say to their child once he or she moves away. However, I like it my mom’s way. There are no words needed to know what she wants to say. She sister did the same; a  pat on my back and shoulder. I got into the van once everything was loaded in and sat between my brother and brother-in-law. A sudden laughter when my brother pointed at my mom; she was crying. Her eyes were red and she pretended like it’s no big deal by laughing along. “Stop crying, you’ll see her next week!”, my brother yelled. My mom still cried though. We waved goodbye and after several stops -one for food and other times for being lost- we arrived. I found myself to be excited like a little child in a candystore. “Look at this!”, “Check this out!”, I yelled continuously. There were good reasons to do so; the kitchen was brand-new and was like the ones I only saw on TV and thought they were too pretty and expensive. I showed them my room and again got excited; my brother and brother-in-law didn’t see the view yet. A huge lake or maybe an canal even was right outside accross our backyard. It’s part of a park.

My brother and brother-in-law stayed for a while. As I expected they both told me I had to do well in school and stay out of trouble now that there’s no one to take care of me. I’m on my own and have to make mom proud,. I didn’t say much aside from ‘Yes, I know’ and ‘Okay’ or a smal nod along withl ‘Uhuh’. Because I do know that very well. I can’t go back now and while cooking dinner and ate it by myself, I realized I really am alone now. I’m sure it will all get better, because I still have three other housemates to befriend with. This happens to be all new for me. I’m scared, anxious and at the same time excited about everything that’s coming my way. No having to chance to show people what I can do, I will do it now and enjoy every moment I can of it.

Mom, I’ll make you proud one day.

I have nothing but a vague memory of a Christmas-evening when I was four years old. I remember a Christmas tree, some gifts and decorations. It has almost faded away though and as badly as I want to hold on to that feeling of a warm, comfy and happy family that night, we never celebrated Christmas ever again. There are always excuses; there’s no room for a Christmas tree, it takes too much work, ‘we’re tired’ and the question ‘why would we?’ comes up once a while. Why would we indeed? We’re not Christians, none of us still believe in Santa Clause and gifts during that time of the year cost a fortune. But that’s not it.
Isn’t it nice to have your family around you, along with delicious food, fun games and cosy candlelights? I’ve always been a dreamer and for that I don’t always fit in quite well with the rest of the family. I’ve grown to be realistic and simple like them, but every time I walk on the streets during those long and dark nights I find myself missing it again. Sparkly decorations, Christmas gifts underneath the tree, delicious-looking selfmade food on the table while a family gathers around the table to prepare for dinner.
We have our own version of it though; we order Chinese from a local restaurant, the men watch a soccergame, my nephew upstairs on the computer, I’m laying on the couch listening to music while my mom and sister discuss something by our dinnertable. And when it’s 12 o’clock we’d go outside to watch the fireworks. Typing it out now, it doesn’t seem that bad at all. Though I’m jealous of all those families actually celebrating Christmas and newyear as it should be according to movies and such, I’m glad my family sticks together.

Celebrating Christmas is going to be on my to-do-list though. I want to experience it at least once in my life again.

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life

-Savage Garden • I Knew I Loved You

When asked why I don’t have a boyfriend, I thought about it for the longest moment. Now that I’m entering college I have re-arranged my list of priorities and a boyfriend happens to be no priority at all. A reason might be that I’m afraid to get distracted from what I have been working for my entire life. I have yet to picture an image of someone I’ll love. Another reason might be that when I do get a boyfriend and allow myself to be at my side, time with him is limited to to the fact that I’m still working towards my dreams. I cannot be selfish and allow myself to be in a relationship in which I’m only receiving and yet fail to give. Like I always tell myself, ‘When you’re not giving your all, it’s like giving nothing at all.’ and it would be unfair to my someone to put him through that.

Because of that I tell myself to postpone every spark I feel, every moment our eyes meet and every beat my heart beats faster. Once love is inevitable, I want him to look at me and announce proudly that I’m his. Beautiful, smart, fun… These are not the things I want him to have as reasons to be proud of me though. I’m not pretty, not as clever as other girls and I’m nothing extraordinary.
But I’m going to be the one at his side when he’s not feeling well. I’ll learn how to cook so he can eat deliciously every time he comes home from work. I’ll give him a massage when he’s tired and kiss his pain away. I’ll be the one to make up after every fight and love him even more after each one.
I’ll make up for the time that went lost while I postponed his arrival into my heart.

Don’t you agree
When they all say
“Home is where the heart is.”

-Jennifer Chung • Common, Simple Beautiful

Sitting in a small room with just a small laptop to entertain ourselves, my little nephew and I share our love for movies and music by spending our night watching corny kung-fu series with cheap editing and special effects. Feeding ourselves with coke and fried potatoes, I feel like this is one of those moments I should be holding on to. He’s already 13 and although I may sound like an old nagging aunt right now.. He may not be like this when he gets older. Probably he’d rather spend his time going out with friends than staying at home with a hot-tempered aunt who got him the nickname ‘bald monkey’.

Sometimes you forget about those times. The times where things happen to be so simple, care-free and yet so beautiful. I have forgotten them many times before. Because they were so simple, I overlooked the grace and beauty in its moments. Time has flown by and while my little nephew is there in front of me, chewing away a whole piece of cheese and talking with his mouth full… Isn’t that moment just wonderful?

He got me this at the fair this saturday, to remember him once I move away for college.

I love my bald monkey.

Things have changed between me and you
That’s why I don’t know what I’m going to do

-Craig David • What’s Changed

I look forward to the day our paths will cross again, though it may take a while before that day would come. Please take care of your body and mind, don’t make me worry…
I have given you my promise. Each day of the following months and years, I will work hard with your thought in the back of my mind. We’ll have to work hard to reach our goals and though it means that our time together will be even shorter than it already was, I hope we can fulfill our dreams and enjoy our journey that is yet to come. So many things we’ve been through together. Not all will stay beautifully in our memories, but I somehow hope that among all those people… It’s me you won’t forget.

Things change continuously and the same goes for our friendship over the last few years. Though it may be that our hearts aren’t at ease with each other anymore like before, but I see it as a way to give each other even more support and love to pull through. Only time can tell if we can and though time is limited it’s enough, plenty even, if we both hold on to what have been part of our lives for the last five years. Smile as the world will be much brighter if you shine. This may be farewell, but if we’re not holding on to each other, let’s at least hold on to memories of our time together. What else can we do? Things change.

This is the last straw, this isn’t life here
I’m packing my dreams up and leaving my nightmare

-Jordin Sparks • Postcard

I opened my closet and took a good look at all the stuff in there. My clothes were folded and placed neatly in place thanks to my sister. She got one of those cleaning outbursts again, just like the last time she saw my room. “Ever heard of a beautiful mess?” was what I wanted to say when she ordered me to clean my room, but I quietly did my work anyway without saying anything. Before I leave, this is the best thing I can do right? Being a good sister?

There weren’t that many clothes to choose from, so I chose the most recent ones I bought and took them downstairs. Jeans, shirts, pull-overs, underwear, bra’s and socks… I got them all neatly folded and carefully tried to organize them within my suitcase. The moment I have been waiting for had finally arrived, but at that moment I had yet to feel anything about it. Pans, dishes, cutlery and all things needed were already packed in multiple boxes, placed on top of each other to save room. I took a look around and without realizing this place would be no longer my home, I went upstairs and continued my daily activities. Lie in bed, listen to music and stare at the ceiling that is.

Then it struck me; seventeen days left.

I suddenly remembered how badly I wanted this. I’ve finally taken that step and though it wasn’t initially planned this way, I’m leaving this place further than expected. Leaving it both in body and mind behind to reach for my dreams.

They say college is when you’re truly living this life and mine will start soon enough.